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Thursday, December 6, 2007

Warning

If you have to get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, and you have a puppy, remember to turn on the light, do not take the path barefoot because you are sure to step in it and therefore a stream of expletives is sure to leave your mouth, and you are sure to wake up your husband, who is sure to laugh his ass off at you....




But stepping in dog poop is not the only mess I made today...oh no....my husband and boys have a saying around here...whenever someone does something "the hard way", or "the weird way", or "the other way", therefore setting off a chain of events causing the universe to work against you in all aspects of your life, they (Rob and the boys) say "You Amed It!" . The word "Amed" of course referring to the name Amy, which in case you didn't know is me. Let me say that this phrase is most often used by them to me....




Past "Amed It" occurrences include, but are not limited to, the following:




1. Closing the Garage Door on my 6 month old Car.



2. Having to file a police report because Rob was TDY and the Cable Company sent out a Stalker(really I'm not kidding)



3. Burning everything I cook (this was before I got my new oven possessed by Mary Poppins)



4. Setting fire to the stovetop when I was boiling water because I forgot I was boiling water in
the first place and left a dishtowel too close to the burner which prompted Rob to buy the flat
top stove/oven possessed by Mary Poppins.



5. Getting Hair Color all over the newly painted bathroom...no, that stuff does not come off the walls, or the carpet, or the sink.



6. Accidentally hitting the barricade going out the gate to the Base when we lived in Florida, subsequently ripping off the passenger side view mirror, the morning we were leaving for Disney World



7. Falling down two flights of concrete stairs outside a nursing home (I was seeing a patient)
in 20 degree weather and having to crawl back up said stairs, crying, bleeding and
laughing (what else is there?) to be sat in a Geriatric Chair while I waited for Rob to come
take me to the hospital....I sprained my right ankle and twisted my left knee....



8. Using Nair to remove my eyebrow hair because I didn't have time to go get them waxed (I figured "why not?")the night before a Dressy Air Force Banquet I had to go to...ok DO NOT DO THIS...this resulted in red blisters as long as my eyebrows just below my eyebrows...think what it would look like if you tried to take a curling iron to your eyelids



9. Leaving to drop the kids off and go to work, only to come back to the house 3 times because I forgot to 1. turn off the oven, 2. grab my lunch, and 3. lock the door....(it's embarrassing how often this happens, so much so that Britain is almost OCD about checking everything before we
leave, so convinced is my 12 year old that the house will not be here by the time school is out)



10.....really do you need any more examples....??




ok so now you know...this is why when I woke up and stepped in the doodie I knew I was in for an "Amed" it kind of day...I mean really I don't ask for these things to happen...trouble just finds me....




so like a good girl I avoided scissors, the oven, my flat iron and all other basic deadly appliances for most of the day...



I finished reading this book here



If you can't read the title it's Size 12 is Not Fat...This book is so fun, and funny so you should go read it, it's a really easy, quick read....

and on the subject of books, I found this really cool site
http://www.paperbackswap.com/


You join for free and post your books you've already read, (they don't have to be paperbacks)...ok so then when you post your first ten books to swap they give you 2 credits.. 1 credit=1 book...you pay the postage to send your books to whoever "orders" them and when you order a book from someone else they pay the postage to you..you can print the postage and the wrapper to mail your books right from their site!!....it's like going to the library but you don't have to leave your house...then you just relist the books you get from someone else and so on...I love free stuff (or almost free)....




so remember I said I was a good girl for most of the day...well of course because I spent most of the day on my couch reading and doing laundry (so far I don't count the washer/dryer as deadly appliances, but that doesn't mean they won't get added to the list) I got a false sense of security...so when I pick up the boys from school I go to Dairy Queen for dinner...(no way was I going anywhere near the oven on an "Amed" it day) but I should have known I don't have to go near the oven...Landon ordered a kids meal, which came with a vanilla ice cream cone...as the lady handed it to me through the window and I attempted to pass it off to Landon, (I mean really is a 6 inch pile of ice cream necessary for a nine year old??) the ice cream fell off and landed on my lap but not before bouncing over from the center console...on my new faux suede coat from Avon....(yes I bought my coat from Avon and yes it's faux suede, I hate shopping for clothes)




Then I come home, and do some blog hopping well I can't resist Lain and her challenges, although I can't imagine what made me think I was safe...

so here's some pictures of Lain's challenge to create something that's is home decor it started out so innocently...







I recycled an old coffee can, painted it then stenciled on some stars and painted the words "Christmas Cheer", you can't see it here for some reason, but I punched holes in the sides with a hammer and nail and added ribbon for a handle. I think I'm going to use it to hold cookies. (I know right now you're thinking I was brave to use a hammer and nail on an "Amed" it day)



So feeling confident and drinking my Starbucks Frappacino...I did not get Dairy Queen btw, I was playing with the lid and inspiration struck,



"self , why not alter the lid with something cute?" "ok" so I find the perfect chipboard circle to fit on the inside of the lid and get out my Scotch Quick Dry Adhesive...I open it up and squeeze it, hmmm, it's full why isn't it coming out? so I squeeze harder...and OMIGOD....I AM ATTACKED BY GLUE!!!!!! you can not imagine the velocity of this stuff!! Here's a visual aid to help you... now this mere picture does not in any way give you an idea of the magnitude of the ATTACK OF THE FLYING GLUE...but after I took one picture I realized I got it on my camera, it's still in my hair, on the phone, the wall, the lamp, the dogs, and Landon...I'm still not sure if I'll be able to get my clothes off or if I'll have to cut my hair and for all I know the dogs are probably stuck to each other ....and I think I might be getting just a little bit high from the smell...I was not deterred though, I rinsed everything off and altered my frappacino lid...here's a picture



aww isn't that cute..."make a difference"...now I'm going to have to make one that says "I Amed It"....


This for some reason put me in the mood to hammer holes in something...so I thought "self let's make a ribbon holder"...so I took this big plastic jar that I got at WM for like 94 cents




and I hammered holes around the perimeter, about halfway through I figured out it was much easier to just poke it with scissors, but somehow the hammer is more satisfying.... and I ended up with this..... yes I know the ribbon is only sticking out of the bottom...I should have put the holes everywhere...and I completely misjudged the amount of ribbon I had....but on the whole I think it was a good idea...thankfully the plastic jar was only 94 cents so I can start over....but not tonight...I am sooooo done......


I know I need to get some layouts done, but I'm afraid I'll cut my fingers off with my fiskars trimmer....

and because I refuse to have my blog end on anything but a happy note...look at our first snow of the season....no way am I going anywhere until it melts....



9 comments:

Janine aka Angel gurl said...

oh Amy that was so funny. Honestly I was laughing so much. Thanks for the giggle. I think it shows great character when we can laugh at ourselves......

Kylie in Warsaw said...

Amy, it's great that you can laugh at yourself! I tend toward whiny or angry blogger (which is what I am today) instead of funny blogger. I'm trying to work at being funnier!

Christi Snow said...

LOL, Amy!! I feel like you need some (non-threatening) hugs!! It may have been a day filled with mishaps, but you did end up with some cute projects and you can be proud of the fact that you perservered! smiles...

Maria said...

That's such an inspiring story. No matter what happends, you kept going! I feel better now.

Anonymous said...

Amy!! I have laughed so hard when I read this! I am kind of scared to share a room with just you at the retreat what if the shower attacks us!!!!! Or what if I ask you for a ruler!!!! I love ya!!!

Leslie

Carolyn said...

Amy it was so nice of you to stop by my blog and leave such a nice comment on there. Thank You!!

Now I must comment about your blog, love it! I just finished reading this post you made, and I am in stitches! I really enjoyed reading it. At first I thought you were posting a joke of some sort, then after reading on, I realized it wasn't, and then I continue reading, going oh no! oh my! oh no again! But, I do hope you don't have too many of those kind of days. I really don't think I would like to see something on the Nightly News. hee hee Oh and I love a good book, I will check out this one, love a funny read.

ScrapHappy said...

You totally crack me up!!!!!

Kelly said...

I had to go back and read your 5 links and I had to laugh--sorry! Don't you hate days like that?? You should have crawled right back on that couch with a coffee and a book!

RobinDiane said...

OMG..Amy this post was too funny..I am just cracking up and having to be quiet about because I am at work!